​It's somehow already the middle of June, and we're approaching the midpoint of the year. Which means (for some of us at least) tis also the season for performance reviews - if you're a people leader you may be giving them, and hopefully you're also on the receiving end of some thoughtful conversation about what you're doing well, where you could use some support, and a manageable number of goals.

​And there are ways to make these conversations feel less like a trip to the dentist!

In an ideal world, the best performance development conversations are designed to help bring out the best in each and every team member. And they happen most easily and successfully when both parties have given some thought to the conversation and come prepared to dial up both their listening skills and their curiosity.

At their best, performance conversations have the biggest impact when they're a two way street with both parties engaged.

First things first. Preparation. 

Begin with the end in mind. Whether you're on the giving or the receiving end of a performance review, spend some time thinking about what you would like the other person to know before you have the conversation.

Where have you (or your team member) knocked it out of the park over the last few months? And where (if you're being honest) have you (or your team member) struggled a bit? And what sort of support from you (or your manager) might help going forward.

Don't overwhelm yourself, or your team member, by reviewing a laundry list of the good/bad/ugly things from the last 6 months (or possibly even longer).

Hit the highlights, group your ideas into themes - and if you're not already doing this, I'd invite you to start giving people feedback in real time going forward. For example, after a great meeting take someone aside and tell them exactly and specifically what you liked about how they showed up.

If you're a manager, consider a start/stop/continue approach. What one thing could your team member start doing, stop doing and continue doing that would have the biggest impact on their performance over the next few months?

Less telling, more listening. We have two ears and one mouth for a reason! And please don't assume your team member will take your suggestion/requirement immediately onboard. This needs to be a conversation - a negotiation, if you will. Clarity and alignment is critical when it comes to setting goals.

If you're having your review and you don't understand what's being shared or why it matters, ask for clarity. And specifics. As in "what would success look like when it comes to (fill in the blank)".

And one last thought here: remember that we all have blind spots, and that perception (and perspective) are reality. Consider these statements:

How I see me:  Shy | Passionate | High Standards | Strong Willed | Quirky
How you may see me: Aloof | Emotional | Hypercritical | Stubborn | Annoying

​You say potato, I say patato. Both may be equally true! Because - well, people are complicated. Which is what makes this work thing we're doing together all the more interesting, to say the least.

I'm going to stop there for now - I've got lots more ideas, but I don't want to send you, Dear Reader, into overwhelm.

I would love to hear from you, however. Have you got a particular performance review challenge or question? Simply hit "reply" to this newsletter and tell me more. I promise to respond. And if you or your team could use some training on this, we'd love to help. Let's do this better!

Many thanks,
Darcy & the team at The Management Coach
Check out our website here
Connect with me on LinkedIn

​On the Shelf:
Collaborating with the Enemy: How to Work with People You Don't Agree with or Like or Trust - how's that for a title for a useful book? A lovely woman I worked with years ago recently gifted me this small (it comes in at around 100 pages) yet mighty tome from Adam Kahane which I'd not come across before.

At some point or another we've all had to work with people we don't particularly care for, or see eye to eye with. How can we collaborate better? Adam's got some ideas from decades of social enterprise work with international communities in places like South Africa, Columbia, Israel, Thailand - countries where there are lots of different and often opposing views as to the best way forward.

He's honest about some of his failures, and happy to share what he's seen work most successfully. One idea I particularly like is to listen for possibility rather than certainty - because my story is not the only true story. Back to my potato/patato point above.
Collaborating with the Enemy is a quick read (which I like - because I think most business books are far too long and could be summed up in a page or two) - and powerful.

Welcome back to the Water Cooler! This month, a great question for each of us to consider on an ongoing basis. We're into May of 2023 this year. What is the year and your life demanding/asking/requesting of you - so far?

Is now the time for you to play big, or is now the time for you to play it safe? It's not necessarily binary, either. If you've been hanging out on the skinny branches taking chances and stretching yourself, perhaps now is the time to play it safer. It can be tiring hanging out on the learning/growing edge. Sometimes we need to pump the brakes, or even just lift our foot off the gas for a while while we gather our resources for the next push.

If on the other hand you've been hugging that tree hard, maybe there are one or two places in your corner of the universe where you could be a bit bolder. Take something more of a (calculated) risk in order to grow, challenge yourself and serve your people even better.

I had a lovely client I'll call Susan a while back. We worked together for over a year and I was thrilled when I stumbled on the perfect Christmas gift for her. I'm pretty terrible at finding gifts for people, so believe me when I find something good, it goes into the "thrilled" category. It was a mug with the word "BOLD(ER)" on it. 

What was great about this mug? Susan was never going to be a bold person. She's a quiet, thoughtful powerhouse of a petite human. But was the situation she found herself in in her workplace requiring her to be bold(er)? Absolutely. So a perfect reminder for her around how she wanted/needed to show up in order to better serve her team and her organization.

If I were gifting you a mug this month, which one would you rather? And which one do you need? The Big(ger), or the Safe(r)? Maybe you'd even like one of each...

I would love to hear from you - what's your world requiring of you of late? Simply comment below and let me know!

Many thanks,
Darcy & the team at The Management Coach
​
Check out our website here
Connect with me on LinkedIn

On the Shelf:
A career coaching client espied a copy of Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance on the bookshelf behind me during a Zoom call, and asked me what I thought of it. I saw the author Angela Duckworth speak at a Rotman event back in the before times. According to her research, grit is not a fixed attribute. I'm not 100% convinced, but give it a read if you're interested - Ms. Duckworth is a very well-educated researcher with degrees in neurobiology, neuroscience and psychology from Harvard, Oxford and the University of Pennsylvania.

There's a chapter on parenting for grit which may be helpful for you if this is something you're working on with your children. While I don't have kids, both my parents but particularly my mother encouraged my sister and I to be independent and to figure things out - which likely contributed to my acute level of determination - and my general level of grittiness. It's that nature/nurture thing again...

At any rate, lots of ideas to explore. Enhancing your level of grit may help you in developing your bold(er) muscle...

Welcome back to the Water Cooler! This month, we're considering your network.

I'm going to use that bad word, networking, for just a moment. So many of us cringe when we hear that word. Why? Because we've all had lots of interactions with people who are in it for themselves. You know the ones I mean - the people who talk about themselves, hand over their business cards (at least in the before times), and say "let's have lunch".
Or those annoying LinkedIn contacts who want to connect and then immediately start in with the pitch messages. Ack!

So let's not use the dreaded "networking" word and instead consider the lens of "relationship building" instead. How does that one simple shift change your perspective on this?

I once had a conversation with someone who claimed she didn't like networking and avoided it at all costs. And then I asked her about the dinner plans she had made with someone she'd known for a while through work and was looking forward to reconnecting with. That's networking too, I observed. And then silence ensued...

I can hear you groaning (at least a little) from here. I don't have time for this! I've got kids, elderly parents, choir practice, hockey - you name it. And that's okay! Dinner with everyone you've ever spoken to is not part of the approach here. Also, please know that "networking/connecting" is the first thing to drop off people's to do lists when they're busy. 

Relationship building is a marathon, not a sprint. Why? Because at its heart networking is all about relationships. And relationships take time.

And we've got options when it comes to connecting with others. If you're an extrovert, you might just love heading to that big bash of 500 people in a hotel ballroom and making a whole bunch of new friends. If you're an introvert, you likely prefer the deeper conversations that come from more intimate one-on-one conversations over a coffee or a meal.

How about we start with this question:
Who are two of your super connectors (you know, those people who know literally everyone in your sphere of influence, in your industry or in your organization)? You know two at a minimum and more. Mentors. Friends. Old work colleagues. Family members.

Have you checked in with them lately? Do they know what you're up to? A quick email or text is all that's required, depending on what you're looking for. 

Finally, consider this: who's MISSING from your current network? Who's someone you'd be curious to learn more about? Be bold(er!). Reach out for a 15 minute chat with someone you've never met. People love to talk about themselves and the work they do.

I would love to hear from you - how will you leverage some of these ideas? 

Many thanks,
Darcy & the team at The Management Coach

Connect with me on LinkedIn

On the Shelf:
I'm including a link to a short piece from the Harvard Business Review on learning to love networking. The author, Francesca Gino, is a behavioral scientist and the Tandon Family Professor of Business Administration at Harvard Business School. No promises on the love front from me, but I do endorse her tips!

https://hbr.org/2016/05/learn-to-love-networking

​Because business = people. No people, no business. Community = people. No people, no community. Family = people. No people, no family.

This life thing is all about the people. And connection...Enjoy!

Welcome back to the Water Cooler! This month, we're taking a look at a powerful resource from the Conscious Leadership Group.

It's a one page tool called "Locating yourself: Above or Below?". I keep a copy taped to the bookshelf behind my desk and refer to it often - both for my clients and myself. 

What does it mean to be coming at things from "above the line"? In short: open, curious and committed to learning.

What do we find when we look at what shows up in the "below the line" category? A mindset that is closed, defensive, and committed to being right.

In a conversation, in a meeting, in a relationship - are you showing up from a place that's above the line, or below the line?

The best - and most aware - of us come to people and situations from above the line.
And let me tell you, most us come from below the line a good part of the time. 

Why is that? We're not bad people, we're simply human. Our brains are designed to scan for threats. Our amygdalas (the ancient part of our brains) are wired for critical survival instincts. If we were wrong about that sabre-toothed tiger and how fast it was moving, we could very quickly become dinner.

And now? This old wiring serves us less and less as we face fewer physical threats. So instead of helping us, this part of our brains sees interpersonal threats as black and white situations. We become convinced that we're right. We start playing the blame game. We get defensive, and then we shut down. 

Nobody really wins in that scenario. With intention and practice we can be better, and do better for our organizations, our families and our communities.

What's so useful about this tool? Once you see the list of statements, behaviors and beliefs on either side of the line, you can - pretty much instantly - situate yourself. Once you know where you're at, you have the option to consider where you may have gone off the rails, and decide what your next steps will be as a result.

Curious? Download your copy here.
​
I would love to hear from you - how could you leverage these ideas? Simply hit "reply" to this newsletter and let me know!
Many thanks,
Darcy & the team at The Management Coach
Check out our website here
Connect with me on LinkedIn

On the Shelf:
What I appreciate about The 15 Commitments of Conscious Leadership from some of the good people at the Conscious Leadership Group is that the authors fully acknowledge that many of the ideas they cover come from others - because there really is "nothing new under the sun". However, it's all in the approach - and the packaging.

There is a significant amount of good content here that you can dip in and out of. For example, one of the 15 commitments is "Eliminating Gossip". Imagine a world where we were able to do that!

You'll find a summary at the end of each chapter which highlights the main ideas, and other resources at the end of the book.


Check out additional website resources including videos and other tools from the Conscious Leadership Group.
​
Lots to chew on here - enjoy.

This month we've got two interesting questions to consider adding to your toolkit.

Dr. Susan David is a psychologist and instructor at Harvard Medical School, and the author of Emotional Agility: Get Unstuck, Embrace Change, and Thrive in Work and Life.

She sends out a newsletter I quite like, and last week's was particularly insightful.

Dr. David shared two questions for you to ask yourself before you launch into conversations:

1. What do you have to learn from the person you're talking to? Shifting from certainty to curiosity creates openness and space in conversations and exchanges. And who knows - you might just be surprised! This question applies even (or perhaps even particularly) to your obstinate, uncommunicative teenager, or your most challenging employee or work colleague.

2. How can you help this person? Warmth is what happens when you come at people through this perspective. We humans are wired to help.

Sweetie and I went out to see A Man Called Otto at the theater over the weekend - even grumpy Otto couldn't help himself when it came to helping others. In fact, in Otto's case this ancient wiring we all have (humans are tribal animals, after all) may have even saved his life. And, by the way, if you haven't already had the pleasure, I highly recommend seeing the film. Tom Hanks was reliably wonderful, and actress Mariana Treviño who played his neighbor Marisol was a delight.

Bottom line: these two simple questions are great for shifting our perspective, and with practice can lead to all kinds of great outcomes. Kind of awesome, really.

We coaches are big question fans. If you'd like more questions to experiment with, hit reply and I'll happily send you our top 50 list of questions. A great resource for you - and we'd love for you to share with your colleagues if you find it useful.

On the Shelf:


It just so happens we're recommending Susan David's book on emotional agility this month! She explores how to shift from emotional rigidity to emotional agility, and what we can gain as a result - a life well lived. As she shares, "Discomfort is the price of admission to a meaningful life."

Let's be clear here - this thing Dr. David calls emotional agility is not a science, this is an art and a practice. We are each a work in progress. We all have people and situations in our lives that can throw us for loops from time to time.

Lots of good practical tips here to take with you into your workplace, home life and community. Enjoy!

Many thanks,
Darcy & the team at The Management Coach

ps if you've got a book or a resource you love, we'd love to hear from you! Let us know here at darcy@themanagementcoach.com.